Friday, 9 January 2015

Well that was a disappointing sequence of events

Well I started last year with great hope. I was going to develop a whole new series of hobbies and learn some new skills. I intended to become a semi-decent programmer, to meet new friends and possibly meet some members of the opposite sex and also to try and get some kind of employment so that I did not feel so useless. Absolutely none of that happened!

For the first few weeks I sort of procrastinated and then stagnated for a bit. I was very good at doing the programming on the actual training website but when I finished their lessons and tried it for real none of it would work and that kind of the wind out of my sails. That's generally the rule of thumb for me that most things computer-related never actually work. Even when I followed the instructions word for word I can't even get to the point where I can even begin practising my skills.

My other intent was to get a job and I was doing quite well that, I was pretty convinced I was going to pass my course at College and maybe work from home a little bit. Well that went tits up and I failed that course. No one at the college could answer my question about when to apply tax to items without the vat and the first question in the exam was about applying taxes to items with no vat. That has a knock-on effect on every question making everyone of my answers wrong, hurray for me.

By this point I was halfway through the year and nothing was really happening however everything I had planted such as tomatoes and chilies was doing quite nicely. I had started planning what I was going to make for Christmas. A whole variety of pickles and chillies were on the horizon and providing there were no biblical plagues it looked promising.

I also updated my dating profile adding a picture of me in a tuxedo to try and do the trick. I also realised I had been on this particular website for about six years with absolutely no interest whatsoever. My conclusion at the time was that the first thing they see is the wheelchair and from that point they don't even read the profile. Until someone I knew who was in a wheelchair all of a sudden was engaged. Then I made the startling realisation that the wheelchair was not the problem as the problem was apparently me. I don't really know how to alter that. In all my years of trying to meet people I have been called a mercy shag and have been on one mercy date. The really disappointing thing was that I did not even get laid for that first one. I didn't even really know who the mercy was intended for. I just told myself that they just weren't the right ones. I would also like to point out that I am not really a sex fiend. I mean obviously I want to get some because well I am a dude but I would be terrified. It would take me quite a while to get to trust someone enough for any of that, so even if I wanted to be a bit of a slag I couldn't.

Anyway, that was a bit disappointing. I was just starting to cheer up when my feeding tube started coming out of my belly. I had to get that replaced with a temporary tube which leaked for ages burning my skin until one night it just popped out. That was a fun trip in an ambulance to accident and emergency. I had to go on a really hard stretcher, lie on a really hard bed then I had to lie on a really hard stretcher in an ambulance on the way home. This really hurt my back which was sore for at least a month and I also had acid burns all over my stomach. My stomach is still a little bit tender but on the bright side I have now got a much more comfortable tube. I also needed dressings for that which was a massive pain in the backside to get sorted. That's a tale for another day.

One final thing to top it all off was the fact that due to inconsistencies in my food intake I was constipated literally every week. Now I have no problem discussing poo because with having a disability and loads of carers my dignity went out of the window ages ago. For me it was getting that uncomfortable that I could not really sit in my wheelchair so I spent a lot of time in bed. Also with having lots of laxatives I had to be near a toilet at most times. Fortunately I managed to get a television in my bedroom so it wasn't too bad but for someone like me being bed bound can have some serious consequences. I was lucky because it did not to too much damage. However, as funny as toilet humour is constipation for someone who does not move very much is really not funny.

Anyway I think that is all of the whining I can do about having a pretty rubbish year. Hopefully the next one will be much better and I can focus on the thing I did the best which was growing tomatoes and chilies then making lots of pickles. You never know I might go into business yet.

All the best, Bert out.

Friday, 3 January 2014

Happy New Year 2014

Well, another year has passed. Goodbye 2013 and hello 2014. I like to take this time to look back on my previous year and think about how we went and what improvements I can make. I look back on all my schemes and devious plans and wonder is there room for more deviousness? The answer is a resounding yes. The cooking was amusing and pixel art was cool but to be honest I've lost a bit of interest in that one. Towards the end of the year I started putting in time at college and also in programming again. Hopefully, with a view to taking it somewhere maybe a job or something like that. In fact I think my ambition for the year ahead is to get a job. That would be cool.

With a New Year comes new hope. Maybe they will come up with a new treatment for me or a decent way of controlling my wheelchair or computer. That would be nice. Anyway with this new hope I decided to do what many people do at this time of year and that is to join a dating website. I figure when I go out people cannot hear me and this way may be more successful at getting myself across. Unfortunately, this time around it is definitely not my first rodeo. I have been updating websites on and off, free and paid for for about the last six years with little to no success. Hopefully, this time my profile is just right and my picture of me in my tuxedo will do the trick.

I also like to look back at all the blogging I have done in the previous year. I did intend to do one post a week but that didn't really work out. Most of the time it's because I get distracted or something. Although I did do 13 posts which are close enough to monthly. Monthly is probably a more realistic target for me. This is a target that I will try and stick to even if it's only a review of my month.

Last year I also went on a cruise which was the first time I had been on a decent holiday in ages. This gave me a new lease of life and I have already booked a cruise with one of my friends for this year which gives me something to look forward to. This is always a good thing. This time we will be cruising around Spain.

Also last year I discovered something really cool which has allowed me to start programming again and go to college. It has also opened up a new world of possibilities for me to get back on track with what I was doing when I left university which was programming. Due to the advancement of my disability I lost the ability to use a keyboard and had to resort to doing my dissertation using the on-screen keyboard which was a painstaking task. The on-screen keyboard is just not designed for program and it took me ages. This hindered my progress and in my opinion reduced my overall grade by at least a point from a 2:1 to a 2:2 however, I can think of a few people that disagree and will tell you I was lazy. I digress. Anyway I have discovered how you can hack into Dragon Dictate and have all sorts of commands using Python. Now I have started relearning JavaScript, HTML/CSS and J query with a view to learning Python, C++ and possibly C# which even if I do just as a hobby I would be quite happy.

Also, I have just got my new power chair football wheelchair. It still needs to be adjusted to fit me but when that is done I will be able to take part with my local team which will definitely give me something to other than sit in front of my computer and play warcraft. Don't get me wrong I don't plan on quitting that just yet but it always helps to have more than one hobby.

So just to go over again with this New Year I will hopefully find a job, find someone on the Internet and dramatically improve my programming skills. Not to mention finish my new course at college which is computerised bookkeeping. Who knows one day I might be an accountant. Not bad for someone who hates maths if I do say so myself. I might even try and knock swearing on the head but to be honest I wouldn't hold your breath to long on that one.

Hope you also have a nice New Year and hopefully you can read more from me next month but with any luck I might squeeze in a new post before then.

Monday, 4 February 2013

My Pet Hates 1 - Straws that think they are a spoon!

I am not a big coffee drinker; I don't particularly enjoy it all that much. There are only two occasions I drink it. I would drink it while I am still in bed on a morning to try and wake myself up. I would also only drink it in a coffee shop. I know people have a variety of different opinions regarding copy shops but I love them. I love the smell, the colours and the atmosphere. The only things there I will ever drink are the lattes, cappuccinos, mochas and speciality limited edition drinks if I’m feeling special. In the summer I may treat myself to one of those frozen coffees to. The problem arises when I can only get hold of one of those funny straws that thinks it is a spoon. You know the one I mean. For the most part it behaves like an ordinary straw except for that last centimetre where it is a spoon. I do not understand what the point of this is as they've already have spoons which come with the drink. Even then those very spoons do the same job as the spoon on the end of the straw. This really bugs me because the straws are quite stiff so if you bend them you can no longer drink through them and because the last bit is a spoon it has no suction. This means that I can no longer drink the rest of my coffee. I would prefer it if they just had either spoons or straws and not all these confused utensils. It is not just a problem with straws and spoons; it is also a problem with spoons and forks. To be honest I think it might be the spoon that has the issue. I understand what the purpose is. It’s for those slushy drinks so that you can eat the ice at the bottom. I ask you when have you ever drank a slushy drink fast enough to get to the bottom to the ice without getting crippling brain freeze. It just does not happen. Therefore Starbucks, Costa Coffee and Nero’s I implore you stop this madness and let me enjoy my coffee in peace, comfort and convenience. Thank you and good day.